Setting: A college dorm room.
Enter a young man in fine apparel, sword in shiny scabbard at his side. Two servants follow with trunks.
Standing in the room, a young man in simple attire.
FX: So, you must be my roommate. Im Frankie Xavier. Heres my coat.
PF: Uh, O.K. Hi! Im Peter Favre.
FX: Boys, put the trunks down by the bed near the window and go get the entertainment system. Great to know you, Patrick.
PF: Its Peter.
FX: Uh-huh. I see we have a triple to ourselves. Thank goodness. I have a lot of stuff.
Francis turns, startled to see a short, sickly man in a worn robe standing beside the door.
FX: Im sorry; I didnt see him lurking there. Is this your manservant?
PF: Uh, no, this is....
IL: ...the other guy.
FX: Sorry?
IL: Ignatius.
PF: Our roommate.
FX: Our roommate?
IL: Your roommate.
FX: He looks old enough to be my father.
IL: Im 38.
FX: And what, 37? Seriously, Ive seen Hummels that are taller than this guy.
IL: This from the kid with the toy sword.
PF: Ignatius is actually a preacher, here to study philosophy. He used to be a gentleman at the court of Navarre.
FX: Really? Im from Navarre.
IL: I worked for the viceroy there. My life was consumed with the pursuit of pleasure, adventure and romance. Then I was injured at Pamplona.
FX: Pamplona. Hmm....
IL: During my months of recovery, I used to imagine myself back at court. It seemed so hollow.
PF: Wow.
IL: Then I began to imagine myself living like a saint, and.
FX: Wait a second. Are you from Loyola?
IL: I am.
FX: Youre kidding.
PF: What?
FX: This manwhen the French attacked Pamplona, this man rallied the troops, mounted an incredible defense, even got hit by a cannonball.
IL: Thats right.
PF: My God! A hero!
FX: Yes. And then he went crazy.
PF: He doesnt look crazy to me.
FX: Yes, well you didnt know him when he had stopped shaving and showering and eating and cutting his nails.
IL: I must admit, I had a certain predilection for excessive penances.
FX: Your fingernails were so long they looked like bedsprings. I thought you worked for the circus. My mother wouldnt let us go near you.
IL: Well, those days are over.
FX: Really. So where are your shoes?
PF: Yeah, I was wondering that, too.
FX: And when did you last eat?
IL: I have a very small stomach. But I should tell you, if you ever hear me crying, dont worry. I just get very emotional in prayer sometimes.
FX: See what Im saying, Percy? Tiny Tim here is a few beads short of a rosary.
IL: Maybe so. But whats crazier, I wonder: fasting to appreciate the suffering of Jesus, or chasing a life of empty pleasures?
FX: Listen, lawn gnome, just because you dont want to enjoy life doesnt mean I shouldnt.
IL: I bet you dont even last a year.
FX: Excuse me?
IL: All your soirees and designer clothes and self-indulgence.... I give you one year before youre looking for something more meaningful to live for.
FX: Old man, theres a better chance of me baptizing babies in India.
IL: Kid, do you think I aspired to spend my 30s living in Paris with a spoiled brat from Navarre?
PF: Its a good point, Frankie.
FX: Peter, go make up my bed.
