BALTIMORE (OSV News) -- The question was simple and familiar to many in religious life: How does one deal with a curmudgeon -- someone who is set in his ways, resistant to change and vocal about it?
“I have an idea, but I can’t say it out loud,” quipped Conventual Franciscan Father Michael Heine, prompting laughter from the banquet room at Baltimore’s Hyatt Regency Hotel July 24.
“The key is just to be loving,” he continued. “There is no easy answer. One of the worst things you can do is pull away. Just love them. To realize his past, he’s so hurt or something, you know, to acknowledge that and keep reaching out and trying.”
Father Heine, provincial leader of the Conventual Franciscans’ Our Lady of the Angels Province in Ellicott City, Maryland, spoke during a panel on fraternity at the Conference of Major Superiors of Men National Assembly.
Held in Baltimore July 21-24 under the theme “Rejoice in Hope: Solidarity and Fraternity,” the assembly gathered 150 leaders representing 125 religious jurisdictions for dialogue, reflection and celebration of faith.
Joining Father Heine on the panel were Holy Cross Father Hubert Kavusa and De La Salle Christian Brother Matthew Kotek, both from Minnesota. The session was moderated by Pallottine Father Frank Donio, CMSM’s executive director and a former pastoral leader of St. Jude Shrine in Baltimore, who noted that aging members and increasing workloads ranked among the top concerns in a 2023 member survey.
Father Kavusa spoke candidly about the broader cultural challenges facing religious communities today. Citing Pope Francis’ warning about a “throw-away culture,” he shared how that mindset can also devalue aging members of religious life.
He noted that in Africa he grew up in a culture where maxims such as “When an elder dies, a library burns to the ground” and “What an old man sees sitting down, a young man cannot see standing up” were common.
While his culture does not worship elders, he said, it recognizes their life experiences and wisdom. One of his first “shocking experiences” when he came to the United States, Father Kavusa said, was when he was called to his superior’s office after assisting an elderly member struggling with a walker and was told, “You are not here to care for the elders.”
“I think it’s a challenge: How do we continue to be brothers to one another given some of us can no longer actively participate in ministry?” Father Kavusa said.
Father Heine, a former director of school counseling at Archbishop Curley High School in Baltimore, noted that many communities have young and old but not his middle age group.
“The thing I find, our guys, sometimes they don’t want to deal with reality,” Father Heine said. “Everyone thinks we are the same as we were 15, 20 years ago. As much as I tell them, look at the stats, they think I’m lying. That is the challenge, to get the guys on board -- to be able to see that reality is that we are shrinking. As friars, our number one gift to the church is our fraternal life. Well, two friars in a ministry is a couple, not a fraternity.”
Communities are changing, too, with many different cultures represented. Brother Matthew said it was important to reflect on each community’s charism, its mission and spirit, and to focus on that and not let one culture dominate.
“We can be a wonderful witness to the world to say that even though we are different, we can still live together,” Father Heine said.
After breaking into small groups to discuss their own issues, participants shared their views with the panel, emphasizing that it was important for brothers to make time to talk with one another and discuss their expectations for the community, to “find that common space.”
“I find this a great group to connect with to learn about issues that others are dealing with and how they’re dealing with it, and I have my own input on things,” Benedictine Abbot Douglas Mullin, from St. John’s Abbey in Collegeville, Minnesota, said afterward. “We are not in this alone. We are in this together. That is what the church is.”
Baltimore Archbishop William E. Lori opened the convention with Mass July 21, with a homily about St. Mary Magdalene and how her faith was kindled when the risen Lord called her name, turning her life “upside down and inside out” as she became a messenger of great hope.
“Solidarity and fraternity are not abstractions or luxuries, nor are they merely the ingredients for happy community living: They are at the heart of the mission entrusted by the Lord to us: to announce to one and all that our Redeemer lives,” the archbishop said in his homily.
“How beautiful that the Son of God has entered into solidarity and fraternity with the human family in the deepest imaginable way: by the mystery of his Incarnation and his Pasch,” he continued. “It is we who are messengers of this Good News -- but only to the degree that it has first overtaken and transformed us, both individually and communally.”
The focus of the conference is always on the needs of male religious and the leaders of male religious communities, according to Father Donio.
“The event is for them to come together and be of support to one another -- to share resources, teach one another ‘How do I go about this?’ because each is a different community and the leaders have different roles,” Father Donio said.
Male religious fall into four primary communities: monastic, mendicant, contemplative and apostolic. Each order has its own charism, and within each of those communities are numerous orders and societies, such as the Carmelites, Jesuits, Redemptorists, Trappists and Benedictines. CMSM represents a total of 230 religious jurisdictions.
“Many people don’t know there is such a variety of forms of life in religious life,” Father Donio said, as he gestured to the numerous leaders present. “This room is very ecclesiologically diverse, but they dialogue well with one another in order to say ‘How do we go forth? How do we support one another and not be in competition?’”
Father Donio noted that the Archdiocese of Baltimore has had many male religious, adding that many of the communities attending the conference had served or were currently serving the Archdiocese of Baltimore.
“There are so many different ways that we serve the church as religious men and women and the different charisms of our communities all aimed at the one thing; giving greater glory to God and to carrying out the mission of love and mercy, compassion, understanding and welcome,” said Norbertine Father James Herring, prior of the Immaculate Conception Priory in Middletown, Delaware.
Father Herring said it is always good when religious men can come together as leaders to discuss what matters to them and the larger church.
“It lends to our enthusiasm,” he said. “We recognize there is a reason we have been called by God. There is a reason that we are here to serve the church and we’re very grateful.”
The 2026 CMSM national assembly is scheduled to take place July 20-23 in Phoenix.
