Today’s Forecast, Cloudy with a Chance of Parousia

I say to thee, Goeth Cubs, Goeth!I say to thee, Goeth Cubs, Goeth!

Local police this morning report thousands missing on the North Side of Chicago. An apparent overnight rapture has claimed most residents of the neighborhoods surrounding Wrigley Field; those left behind appear to have been relative newcomers to the Wrigleyville area, migrating South Siders and entry level young professionals from out of state.

In a related development earthquakes, tornadoes and pillars of fire devastated much of the rest of the planet while celestial lights proved blinding to communities across the globe. U.N. officials explained that the Cubs baseball victory after a 108 year drought initiated a series of events they are loosely describing as the apparent end of time. Sporadic commuter rail disruptions have also been reported.

Advertisement
Comments are automatically closed two weeks after an article's initial publication. See our comments policy for more.

Advertisement

The latest from america

 10.17.2018 Pope Francis greets Cardinal Blase J. Cupich of Chicago before a session of the Synod of Bishops on young people, the faith and vocational discernment at the Vatican Oct. 16. (CNS photo/Vatican Media)
“We take people where they are, walking with them, moving forward,” Cardinal Blase Cupich said.
Michael J. O’LoughlinOctober 20, 2018
Catherine Pakaluk, who currently teaches at the Catholic University of America and holds a Ph.D. in Economics from Harvard University, describes her tweet to Mr. Macron as “spirited” and “playful.”
Emma Winters October 19, 2018
A new proposal from the Department of Homeland Security could make it much more difficult for legal immigrants to get green cards in the United States. But even before its implementation, the proposal has led immigrants to avoid receiving public benefits.
J.D. Long-GarcíaOctober 19, 2018
 Archbishop Carlo Maria Vigano, then nuncio to the United States, and then-Cardinal Theodore E. McCarrick of Washington, are seen in a combination photo during the beatification Mass of Blessed Miriam Teresa Demjanovich at the Cathedral Basilica of the Sacred Heart in Newark, N.J., Oct. 4, 2014. (CNS photo/Gregory A. Shemitz)
In this third letter Archbishop Viganò no longer insists, as he did so forcefully in his first letter, that the restrictions that he claimed Benedict XVI had imposed on Archbishop McCarrick—one he alleges that Pope Francis later lifted—can be understood as “sanctions.”
Gerard O’ConnellOctober 19, 2018