Fortified Faith: Defending my beliefs with more than just words

From a bird’s eye view, Jesuit High School in Tampa, Fla., presents itself in regular geometric shapes. Academic buildings constructed of burnt-red brick lie in a disciplined rectangle around the centerpiece of the campus chapel. Sidewalks branch out of every building at 45-degree angles and form intricate webs of cement—mostly so students don’t take shortcuts across the campus’s sweeping lawns. When the class bells ring, students file out of the buildings and disperse quickly in many directions. Each student knows where he is going, but the greater picture always looks like a scarcely controlled, frenzied mass.

There is a similar tension between order and chaos, direction and freedom, in our spiritual lives. We find comfort in the burnt-red, brick buildings of familiarity. We find comfort in certainty, and we find comfort in structure—our weekly Mass attendance, those friends around us who share our faith, the prayers we know by heart. Involuntarily, we spend most of our time in well-defended forts, and only the process of stepping out of these forts makes us aware of them at all. Outside the forts, on the sidewalks between classes, reigns the chaos of conflicting ideas, doubts and challenges to our faith.


At Jesuit, where most students are Christian, the standardized nature of our religion classes meant that any question of faith could be answered in short order. During my time there, I was sustained by the community, by the virtues of brotherhood and fellowship the school instilled and by the conviction that if I put in my best efforts, I would grow tremendously in my faith.

There are times, however, when I am caught in psychological and spiritual doubt, caught between classes, and yet still must play the role of defender of the faith. A year at the University of Chicago has shown me that time spent dwelling in forts is a luxury. Conversations constantly pull my thoughts into new domains, and I must defend my beliefs from nuanced, interdisciplinary perspectives. I have to draw on every scrap of religious knowledge I gathered at Jesuit. Frequently it is not enough.

At the University of Chicago, a conversation about religion quickly devolves into a mixture of business and philosophical propositions. Pros and cons are weighed, and differences in systems of logic or fundamental premises are compared with those of other religions. This is not to say that students are looking for the easiest religion to follow—far from it. Most of us follow the religion that we feel most comfortable defending, the religion that strikes us with an undeniable sense of certainty, of spiritual security and of truth.

This makes for an enormous variety of religious beliefs and interesting religious discussions, but it doesn’t often lead others toward conversion or deeper exploration of the Catholic faith. And for me, it doesn’t lead to a great deal of fulfillment or validation that I’m leading a successful Catholic public life. These interactions always leave me with questions: How does one best convey the unique and compelling spirit of the Catholic faith, and how does one instill interest in a setting where the presence of so many religions and overlapping beliefs often prevents any one faith from getting noticed in the crowd?

One of my friends who is very active in the Episcopal Church once asked me how papal infallibility is justified in Catholic literature. I confessed that I lacked detailed knowledge, but I was able to explain how papal infallibility stems from the core principles of apostolic succession and applies only to matters of faith and morals. She proceeded to tell me that the Episcopal Church believes in apostolic succession yet doesn’t also preach the doctrine of papal infallibility—so the former need not imply the latter. The discussion continued for another half hour; but looking back now, it is clear to me that I was floundering.

While I could have just returned to the dorm, read up on papal infallibility and gone back to my friend with a better answer, I realized that would only be a short-term remedy. I might be approached the very next day with a question that would leave me in a similar position. I’m left in a state of constantly accumulating knowledge of the Catholic faith yet failing to communicate the logic and beauty of these beliefs effectively to others.

One of my religion teachers at Jesuit regularly employed the well-known saying, “Preach the Gospel, and if necessary, use words.” And so many of my high school teachers did just that; they embodied the joy of the Gospel so well that they seemed immune to negativity. I wish I could say that I too preached the Gospel without words, but hindsight shows me I have become increasingly mired in the opposite. I have argued for the principles of the Gospel vigorously, but almost exclusively with words, and in doing so, have allowed the negativity of failure and excessive self-criticism to seep into and shape my faith life.

Earlier this year, one of my friends asked a student at the University of Chicago Law School how her experience there differed from her undergraduate and graduate experiences at Yale and Oxford. She responded that while academic convention suggests supplying students with both compliments and criticism of their work, the University of Chicago had cut out all coddling. Teachers would only criticize, hoping to impart the message that no work is perfect and that we all ought to strive for improvement.

Like my professors, I tend to evaluate myself and the progress of my faith life in an exclusively critical manner; each time I try to argue my beliefs, my faith undergoes a similar trial by fire. So often, the desire to avoid defeat becomes my motivation for improvement. The challenge for me, and, I think, many others struggling with faith internally or in the public sphere, is to forget the failures for a moment and gaze, however obliquely, upon the good in others and ourselves. More important, we need to use that good as the wellspring for growth, allowing it to fill us with the joy of the Gospel so that we may share it with the world.

It is easy to dwell on disappointments, both spiritual and academic; and for me at the University of Chicago, the struggle to meet my own expectations is a recurring fact of life. The challenge remains to view failures and shortcomings not as negative events but as opportunities. In striving to live out this lesson, I have learned that it is not just a trick of psychology or a construction of an elaborate feel-good delusion. It is a matter of perspective: viewing the loss of an argument as a breath of insight into another’s faith, and seeing my own failure as an open invitation to grow in knowledge of a faith abounding in beautiful complexity.

Comments are automatically closed two weeks after an article's initial publication. See our comments policy for more.
Roger Brown
3 years 6 months ago
I think maybe the current message from Pope Francis is love and serve. Be such an open, accepting and joyful presence that arguing and arm twisting are not appropriate. Just a thought from 67 years of trying to live my faith and be open to 'the other'.
3 years 6 months ago
As a grandfather of a number of children your age I believe I can understand what you are facing. These are questions we all encounter or have encountered in our early years. The statement of St, Frances that we should "use words if necessary " answers these questions. Studying and attempting to understand are important but what is more important is love and thanksgiving.. God is always with us and as we advance in years we realized how close He has been to us by the many blessings we have received. The doctrine of infallibility may be important but is minor in comparison with the love God has showered down on us. I recall a conversation with an evangelical protestant minister. I was a hospice volunteer at the time and attending a memorial service. The homily was given by her and I was was surprised to hear her mention The Blessed Mother in her talk. After the service I spoke with her and she advised that she had been raised a Catholic and still maintained a very close connection with Mary. I then asked how does she feel about the absence of the Blessed Sacrament in her pray life. She excitedly stated that it was her biggest loss. She was happy in doing what she called to do but there was this loss. It made me feel a stronger awareness of what we as Catholics have. A real presence of the Christ and a constant reenactment of His love for us. What we as Catholics have is not just a depth of beliefs but the true presence of Christ.
Matthew Furjanic
3 years 5 months ago

Dear Editor,
I am so enjoying hearing from today’s “new evangelists” in the Generation Faith column that features commentary/reflections from today’s young adults. In particular, thank you and kudos to Robert Minton for “Fortified Faith” (America, July 6-13, 2015).
Minton’s essay evoked in me memories of my own struggles as a student at Northwestern University so many years ago. The environment was quite hedonistic; I was constantly challenged in my striving for holiness and wholeness. I, too, was my own toughest critic. And I often felt like I was walking alone, or at best in the minority, swimming upstream.
Eventually, God's grace brought me into contact with a group of other kindred spirits. Most were members of the Catholic "Newman Center" (though it isn’t called that at Northwestern). I urge Mr. Minton to seek out a community of fellow disciples. We all need companions on our journey.
Minton wrote of forgetting his failures and gazing, "however obliquely, upon the good in others and ourselves." and using that good "as the well-spring of growth..." Bravo!
Pope Francis writes of another kind of gazing in EVANGELLI GAUDIUM, (The Joy of the Gospel). He says we need to place ourselves in the presence of the Lord and let Jesus gaze upon us—“ Standing before him with open hearts, letting him look at us, we see that gaze of love which Nathaniel glimpsed on the day when Jesus said to him: “I saw you under the fig tree” (Jn 1:48). How good it is to stand before a crucifix, or on our knees before the Blessed Sacrament, and simply to be in his presence! How much good it does us when he once more touches our lives and impels us to share his new life!" EG #264
When one sits in the presence of the Lord and allows the Lord to gaze upon him/her, one can’t help but be moved to share that warmth and love with others.
Keep those Generation Faith essays coming!

Matt Furjanic
Director of Religious Education
St. Barnabas Parish
Chicago, IL


The latest from america

In cities across the country, local activists marched in support of a progressive agenda centered on economic justice, racial justice and immigrant rights.
Brandon SanchezJanuary 20, 2019
Pope Francis has suppressed the Ecclesia Dei Commission, a significant decision with consequences for the Holy See’s relations with the priestly Fraternity of St. Pius X.
Gerard O’ConnellJanuary 19, 2019
Photo: IMDB
A new Netflix miniseries brings out the story’s aspects of adventure and conflict, with occasionally pulse-pounding results.
Rob Weinert-KendtJanuary 19, 2019
Protestors march to support a U.N. anti-corruption commission in Guatemala City on Jan. 6. Photo by Jackie McVicar.
“What they are doing not only puts Guatemala at risk but the entire region. Bit by bit, for more than a year, they have been trying to divide us. The elections are at risk. We are six months away.”
Jackie McVicarJanuary 18, 2019