Satan Responds to Pat Robertson

This parody letter (to the editor), from Lily Coyle, over at the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, responds to the Rev. Pat Robertson's statement that the earthquake in Haiti was the response of God over the "pact" that the Haitians made with the devil.  Michael Sean Winters had earlier commented on this statement, in a more serious vein, below.  (H/T to Sister Rose Pacatte, CSP).   

Dear Pat Robertson,

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I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll. You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best, Satan

James Martin, SJ

 

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Joseph Farrell
8 years ago
Ha! That's excellent, Father Martin! The best response to this sort of nonsense truly is to laugh at it.
Shawn Kazubowski-Houston
8 years ago
Mr. Robertson's rantings are, at best, infuriating. Thank-you Father Martin for dulling the edge of my anger and frustration.
Beth Cioffoletti
8 years ago
Great letter!  Also, a mirror of sorts, don't you think?  I mean, where are all those banks, skyscrapers and botox?

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