Satan Responds to Pat Robertson

This parody letter (to the editor), from Lily Coyle, over at the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, responds to the Rev. Pat Robertson's statement that the earthquake in Haiti was the response of God over the "pact" that the Haitians made with the devil.  Michael Sean Winters had earlier commented on this statement, in a more serious vein, below.  (H/T to Sister Rose Pacatte, CSP).   

Dear Pat Robertson,

Advertisement

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll. You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best, Satan

James Martin, SJ

 

Comments are automatically closed two weeks after an article's initial publication. See our comments policy for more.
Joseph Farrell
8 years 6 months ago
Ha! That's excellent, Father Martin! The best response to this sort of nonsense truly is to laugh at it.
Shawn Kazubowski-Houston
8 years 6 months ago
Mr. Robertson's rantings are, at best, infuriating. Thank-you Father Martin for dulling the edge of my anger and frustration.
Beth Cioffoletti
8 years 6 months ago
Great letter!  Also, a mirror of sorts, don't you think?  I mean, where are all those banks, skyscrapers and botox?

Advertisement

The latest from america

In “Sorry to Bother You,” the system’s greatest threat—literal ownership of your time and person—is also its promise of relief.
Eve TushnetJuly 17, 2018
St. Michael Cathedral in Tha Rae, Thailand (iStock photo)
During the cave crisis, at the Cathedral of Saint Michael in Thare, a small village located along Nonghan Lake in northeastern Thailand’s Isaan region, Catholics offered Mass and asked for the intervention of St. Michael the Archangel to protect the young men.
The Catholic Church has renewed efforts to fight racism in the U.S., but Black Lives Matter deserves credit for keeping our attention on racial justice.
Olga SeguraJuly 17, 2018
What can the church do to help repent for the sins of leaders like Cardinal McCarrick and all those who turned a blind eye to his wrongdoing?
The EditorsJuly 17, 2018