Loading...
Loading...
Click here if you don’t see subscription options
Mara FaulknerJune 06, 2011

I know all this has been said a thousand times before and will be said after me.”
           —Nazim Hikmet, writing in exile after 13 years in prison

I didn’t know I loved
the wrangle of phones and human voices, rough, insistent
until I entered this silence and closed the door. I didn’t know I loved
this silence until the hooked voices reached for me. I didn’t know I loved
didn’t really know I loved the treeless prairies until green bars grew up
between my eyes, the airy sunset, and the moon. Didn’t know I loved
the thorny green thickets of my self
contrary and bear-haunted, until I took the straight smooth road
and found it strewn with death. I didn’t know I loved
black bears lumbering through my dream toward my sister
whom I didn’t know I loved
even though I’ve lost her now in the blind thicket and she
doesn’t love me any more. I didn’t know I loved
my mother until her rose-heart burst and bled
red petals into her chest, didn’t know I loved
the garden of her flesh. And you, my God
under her ashes so silent and cold, I didn’t know I loved
you until you woke every morning in my little stove
so lowly in your prison house of wood and flesh and fire
so eager and so needful of my hands. I didn’t know I loved
my hands—clumsy, tender—until they stirred the fire and found
these words.

Comments are automatically closed two weeks after an article's initial publication. See our comments policy for more.
David Pasinski
14 years 1 month ago

Thank you... i will also look for your memoir...I'm glad for your students to experience you...

Lesle Knop
14 years 1 month ago

A beautiful poem. I am awe-struck, numb, by your words. God does not need me at all. God is love. I need the fire of his love.  How remarkable that we find love through the work of our hands. You are brilliantly sensitive to recognize what love is through emptying ourselves and the absence of what we know.

The latest from america

Perhaps it is the hard-won wisdom that comes with age, but the Catholic rituals and practices I once scorned are the same rituals and practices that now usher me into God's presence, time and time again.
Maribeth BoeltsAugust 01, 2025
"Only through patient and inclusive dialogue" can "a just and lasting conflict resolution can be achieved" in the long-running conflict between Israelis and Palestinians, said the Holy See's permanent observer to the United Nations.
This is the movie poster for “The Bad Guys” (CNS photo/DreamWorks Pictures)
The ”Bad Guys” films ask, how do we determine who the “bad guys” are? And if you’re marked as “bad” from the start, can you ever make good?
John DoughertyAugust 01, 2025
In these dark times, surrounded by death and destruction in Gaza, we hear the command in the first reading, “Choose life.” What are the ways we can do this in a world that seems to have gone mad?
David Neuhaus, S.J.July 31, 2025