No no NO NO NO!

"Even the Tree has a stylist."  According to The New York Times, the affluent in New York City are now "outsourcing" the decoration of homes for Christmas to a "stylist."

"No no NO NO NO!  I TOLD you not to use so much TINSEL!!! And that WHITE TREE!  Hans, what were you thinking?  It's ghastly!  We had a WHITE TREE last year, and it's OUT OUT OUT this year!  Didn't you see HOUSE AND GARDEN last month?  Honestly.  And why aren't there any RED ribbons? I ADORE red ribbons, Hans.  Simply ADORE THEM!!  I MUST HAVE red ribbons.   Pots and pots of them.  Acres of them!  And Hans....Hans....HANS, are you even PAYING ATTENTION?  Hans, where is the Gingerbread House from BERGDORF'S? I wanted it IN THE FOYER!  Not in the DRAWING ROOM!  Must I oversee you EVERY MINUTE of the day?  And honestly, that creche--is that what you call it?--it looks FRIGHTFUL!  I mean, it looks like it hasn't been painted or cleaned...or anything in years.  Perfectly awful.  And, Hans, Mary's dress is COMPLETELY WRONG!  Did you choose the blue?  Did you?  Did you?  DID YOU?  Blue, Hans?  Please.  It's CHRISTMAS!  Is it so hard for you to figure out that the woman should be in RED?  Or at least green?  It's Christmas, Hans.  Which everyone knows means read and green.  Besides, she looks absolutely AWFUL in blue.  She's clearly a Spring person, and needs lots of bright pastels to compliment her skin tones.  And all that STRAW!  It's disgusting.  Jesus in STRAW?  He's the Son of God, or whatever.  Get some nice SILK for him to lie in.  Go to Hermes if you have to.  And. Get. Rid. Of. Those. Animals.  It's BEYOND DISGUSTING.  I mean, you can have a DOG if you want, a nice one, like my Shih-Tzu, but a DONKEY?  Horrid.  And what is that other....THING?  A cow?  A what?  A WHAT?  An OX?  What's an OX?  Well, it doesn't matter get rid of him.  Or it.  And get rid of those other...men, shepherds, whatever they are, they look terrible--like they're HOMELESS or something!  What are THEY doing there?  I mean, REALLY, Hans, you just don't understand Christmas at ALL, do you?" 

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James Martin SJ

 

Comments are automatically closed two weeks after an article's initial publication. See our comments policy for more.
7 years 7 months ago
I am not sure how to react.... cry or laugh!
Beth Cioffoletti
7 years 7 months ago
I know, I know ... but I do like that white tree!
Marie Rehbein
7 years 7 months ago
Without revealing any idenities (I hope), I know of one household whose Christmas tree decorator died the day after doing the tree, and they still had the tree up in late February. 
SHAWN O'NEAL
7 years 7 months ago
The stylist certainly would have something to say about the manger.
Stephen SCHEWE
7 years 7 months ago
I probably shouldn't mention the $11 mm jewel-encrusted tree in an Abu Dhabi shopping mall featured on CNN this morning ....
Bill Collier
7 years 7 months ago
A funny riff, Fr. Martin. I'm still chuckling at "Jesus in STRAW?  He's the Son of God, or whatever." The "whatever" succinctly captures the obliviousness to the real meaning of Christmas (as did a designer's commission, in the NYT article, to create a "camouflage-print Christmas" for a client). 
Jim McCrea
7 years 7 months ago
Just call it full employment for the Good Christmas Fairy for a few weeks.

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