The End of the World? Here's What I'll Miss

If you’re reading this, the world still exists.

Or perhaps you’re reading this online in heaven, where I bet they have excellent Wi-Fi. (No dropped calls either.) Anyway, the End of the World has been scheduled, most recently, for Oct. 21, 2011, with a tip from Harold Camping. Don’t get me started on how a few Christians keep predicting the end of the world when Jesus said we couldn’t predict it. So it’s on for Oct. 21. (Mayan rain date: Dec. 21, 2012).

Advertisement

Frankly, I’ll be sorry to see the End of the World, even though it means (assuming I’m forgiven for my sins) that I’ll be welcomed into the heavenly banquet, in company with the saints, and all the rest who made it into God’s presence. But even with the promise of eternal bliss, I’ll miss my time on earth.

Especially the following five things:

1.) Hamburgers. There’s this burger joint right across the street from where I live in New York (which I think is actually called “The Burger Joint”) that makes great, flame-broiled burgers. The buns are perfect, too. All for $6.50. I’ll miss those. Then again, if it’s heaven I’ll bet I can probably get an even better burger without standing in line, which at that burger joint during lunch hour is ridiculous. On the other hand, there will probably billions of people in heaven and so the lines may be even worse. I hope God has figured this out.

2.) Snow. Will they have winter in heaven? I doubt it. Think about it: Most of the people who make it to heaven will probably opt for warm weather. And if we’re all going to be together we can’t have our own individual heavens, so I’m anticipating that it’ll be sunny all the time. Plenty of beaches and hammocks seem to be most people’s idea of paradise, so I’ve resigning myself to long walks on the beach for a good while. Lanai. Malibu. Negril. Something like that. That’s not so bad, but I’ll miss snowflakes and snowdrifts. They were pretty.

3.) TV. Having television in heaven seems somewhat déclassé. Do you really want to watch TV when you can be gazing on the Face of God? And even if you do, you’d be too embarrassed to admit it, especially if you’re talking to a saint. “Do you want to gaze on the Face of God?” “Um, no, I need to see another ‘Law & Order’.” Like you’re going to saythat to St. Francis of Assisi? So: no TV. I’ll miss “30 Rock.”

4.) Sleep. Given that we’ll have perfect, eternal, glorified bodies, we won’t need sleep. Too bad, I say. I always liked a good nap. In college, my friend Jackie told me that 20 minutes was the optimal naptime: any longer you get groggy; any shorter and it doesn’t work. I’ll thank Jackie in heaven. On the beach.

5.) Work. While not a workaholic, I like to put in a good day’s work. Feels satisfying. But there won’t be much work to do in heaven, since everything’s, well, perfect. On the other hand, no more strategic planning meetings.

Here are five things I won’t miss (besides strategic planning meetings)...

Read the rest here.

Comments are automatically closed two weeks after an article's initial publication. See our comments policy for more.
John Barbieri
6 years 12 months ago
Loved it, Father Jim!

Advertisement

The latest from america

The tête-à-tête between Paul Krugman and Nancy Pelosi in Manhattan was like a documentary about a once-popular rock band. (Rod Morata/Michael Priest Photography)
Speaking in a deep blue stronghold, the Democratic leader of the House calls for “civility” and cautiously hopes that she will again wield the speaker’s gavel in January.
Brandon SanchezOctober 16, 2018
The lecture provoked no hostile reaction from the students who heard it. But a media firestorm erupted.
John J. ConleyOctober 16, 2018
Though the current synod appears to lack the sort of drama and high-stakes debates of the previous two, the role of conscience appears to be a common thread.
Michael J. O’LoughlinOctober 16, 2018
When Tommie Smith and John Carlos raised their fists on the Olympic podium, their act drew widespread criticism. Now Colin Kaepernick is the face of Nike.
Michael McKinleyOctober 16, 2018