What does it mean to have a personal relationship with Jesus?

Do you have a personal relationship with Jesus? As a cradle Catholic, I must admit, this question can make me bristle. And then, because I am Catholic, I immediately feel guilty for bristling. What a tiresome spiritual loop this is! How in the world did I get to such a confusing state? And more importantly, how do I untangle this knot?

On this week’s episode of “The Spiritual Life” podcast, James Martin, S.J., is joined by an experienced spiritual director, Susan Stabile, who spent many years practicing Buddhism before returning to the Catholic faith in which she was raised. As a spiritual director, trained in the Ignatian tradition, Susan is particularly adept at disentangling the invisible webs we weave. She also is very well-acquainted with Jesus. 

Together, Susan and Father Martin tackle this fundamental notion of having a personal relationship with Jesus. What does that mean? And how can we develop such a relationship? 

One of the ways to cultivate a friendship with Jesus is through an imaginative reading of scripture, otherwise known as Ignatian contemplation. You can put yourself in any of the Gospel scenes and use your imagination to fill in the details. What can you see, taste, smell, touch and hear? And it’s there, in your innermost chamber of prayer and imagination, that you can begin noticing. Perhaps a new insight will emerge, a connection will be made, or if you’re anything like Father Martin and Susan, Jesus might confront you with something you really need to hear! 

Still, you may begin to wonder if any of this is real or just a fabrication of the mind. That’s a perfectly fair question. How do we know which voices in our head we can trust? The short answer is through discernment, which is usually aided with the help of a spiritual director and by comparing your inner experiences of God with what we know to be true as revealed in Jesus and the teachings of the church. You can’t claim, for instance, that God is calling you to commit an act of violence when Jesus explicitly tells us “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” 

One trick to detangling this spiritual knot is to remember a maxim that Susan shares in her interview: “Jesus is personal but not private.” I love this insight because it encourages a real relationship with Jesus, without excluding the wisdom of the Christian tradition. It allows friendship while still leaving room for redirection. And it reminds us that any personal relationship we have with Jesus will ultimately bind us closer together within the body of Christ, that is, to one another. 

As you reflect on your own relationship with Jesus, here is some spiritual advice from Father Martin and a few questions to consider:

“For me, having a ‘personal relationship with Jesus’ is the center of my spiritual life. But it happens in many ways. First of all, during my annual eight-day retreats, which are for me the high points of my spiritual year. It’s most often on retreat that I’m able to enter more deeply into Ignatian contemplation and feel that Jesus is speaking to me. Second, in those occasional moments of consolation that take one by surprise in daily life, “consolation without prior cause,” as St. Ignatius said. Those may be few and far between. Finally, by reading the Gospels, biblical commentaries and books about Jesus. That last one is pretty important for me. Because if you want to know who Christ is today, read more about Jesus and his life and times.”

• Do I believe that Jesus wants to have a deep friendship with me? 
• What beliefs or assumptions might be preventing me from developing a relationship with Jesus?
• If I do have a “private,” rather than personal, relationship with Jesus, how could I open myself up to encountering God more fully through my faith community?