What do you do when, in your mid-fifties and at the height of your career, you are diagnosed with an aggressive and incurable brain cancer? That’s the question that confronted Ann Garrido, our guest on this week’s episode of “The Spiritual Life.”
For decades, Ann has led a rich and dynamic life of ministry: doing catechesis with children, teaching homiletics and writing several award-winning books on spiritual leadership. Then came a crushing diagnosis, frailty and the prospect of death.
In the episode, Ann speaks about the practice of “offering up” her suffering for others. For many, this old Catholic expression is not particularly satisfying, or even spiritually helpful. But at this stage in her life, with the possibility of both physical and psychological suffering ever before her, Ann thinks about the practice differently. “All that I can give testimony to at this moment in time,” Ann explains, “is that the way that I am being called to be in solidarity with our country or our world right now is to witness to being faithful in the midst of doubt.”
For Ann, journeying through life with incurable cancer has caused her to wrestle with the mystery and perceived distance of God. “God, could I experience you a little bit deeper?” Ann prays. “Could I feel comforted? Could I not have a question today?” In this, she’s found an opportunity to fashion her own attempts to be faithful in the midst of doubt with the struggles of deeply divided, frequently doubting communities she has ministered to.
She offers up her sufferings and her prayers for friends across the world, including Franciscan seminarians in Ethiopia, and knows that they are praying for her in return. “And it has felt to me almost like shoelaces being tied,” Ann says, “like the experience of other people praying for me has laced me to them in a new way and me praying for other people has laced in the reverse.”
Ann’s practice of “offering it up” has been an organic extension of her own relationship with God and the reconciling work she has dedicated her life to. It has not been imposed upon her or used, as Father Martin says, “as a cudgel,” to beat anyone into spiritual acceptance or submission.
So how do we know when we are being called to join our sufferings to those of Christ, as St. Paul exhorts the church (Colossians 1:24)? And is every experience of suffering an invitation to offer it up?
Here’s some spiritual guidance on the topic from Father Martin:
“I think, in a sense, all of our sufferings are joined with those of Jesus, who is present to us through the Spirit. And of course he understood suffering on earth as well. In fact, I really do think every occasion of suffering is an invitation to unite ourselves with him. But then again, so is every occasion of joy. Because he is with us at all times!
Finally, it’s important to remember that offering up our suffering does not necessarily alleviate it. Rather, it helps us recognize how profoundly connected we are to each other, and especially to Jesus. Through that connection, our suffering is ultimately redeemed.”
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