An insomniac’s take on the call to ‘stay awake’

A Reflection for the Memorial of St. Augustine, Bishop and Doctor of the Church

Find today’s readings here.

“Stay awake,” the Gospel tells us today. It’s a funny time for me to get this message: For the last few weeks I have often found myself struggling to fall and stay asleep. No matter how early I go to bed or how late I set my alarm, I find myself tossing and turning throughout the night. 

In today’s Gospel from Matthew, Jesus tells the parable of the ten virgins. In the story, the virgins wait for the bridegroom, who is late to bring them into the wedding feast. So all those waiting “became drowsy and fell asleep.” The wise ones brought extra oil for their lanterns, but the foolish ones lacked this foresight, and are unable to refill the oil in their lanterns until it is too late.  

Those who were attentive are ready when they are called into the wedding feast. On the other hand, those who do not think ahead miss the bridegroom when he comes because they are unprepared. Thus the famous line: “Stay awake, for you know neither the day nor the hour.” 

My poor sleeping habits would seem to avoid this problem altogether. The call to “stay awake” is an easy one for me to follow. Yet the reasons for my lack of sleep—the underlying causes—make me a whole lot like the foolish characters in this story. 

Jesus is not telling us to never rest our bodies. After all, the wise ones are able to sleep and still enter the feast. But rest awaits in its truest and most fruitful form when it follows preparation of the soul. 

When I lay awake at night, it is superficial concerns and distractions that keep me up. I am not thinking about the truth that grounds me. I am not thinking about when the day or the hour may be. Often, I am awake and unsettled because I am not thinking about my Lord at all. 

One thing that often helps me with my bouts of insomnia is saying a decade of the rosary as I lay down to rest. As I reflect on the mysteries and repeat the prayers, I can feel my cloudy mind begin to clear. The anxieties, worries and questions that keep me awake give way to an overwhelming sense of certainty. When I focus on prayer, I prepare my heart to receive God’s grace.

There is more work to be done, upon my own heart and the hearts of the world. But in my moments of prayer, I am granted peace in knowing what this work must be, and why I must do it. And so it is in awakening my mind to what is important that my body is able to rest, focused and prepared for what will come.

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