New Testament

(iStock photo/AleksandarNakic)

I met Judas at a roof party in late October. The Ghost had warned me about the devil in the form of a man too charming to deny. Traitor. He was drinking pumpkin ale, wearing short sleeves and a scarf knit by his boyfriend, eyes lined with gold, lips wine purple. He laughed too much and left a stain on my cheek when he kissed me. The cigarette dangling between his fingers never burned out.

I stumbled home with the Magdalene’s hand in mine. A man in a green pickup truck blared his horn as we crossed the street, rolled his window down to tell us what he thought of our bodies. Ladies. His words echoed in the red mist and my heart blistered inside my bound chest as I turned the other way. Mary spat blood, swore to God she would kill him. My voice caught in my raw throat as I reminded her that my father is the only one who gives and takes.

Advertisement

I met with my mother outside of temple in the green glow of the April afternoon. Her frowning eyes lingered on the hair cropped close to my head, the swell of my chest protruding defiantly under my loose t-shirt no matter how I hunched my shoulders to hide it. There was so much I knew, so much she did not understand. I must go about my father’s business. I scribbled John’s address on her hand and watched the black ink bleed along the creases in her skin.

When my phone rang on Thursday the centers of my palms began to itch. The call came from my father who shaped me in his image, my father who doesn’t make mistakes. He said that I had to come home soon. I sat on the fire escape with a glass of whiskey and wept as the stars swirled indifferently above. When the world awoke around me in warm honey hues I let the glass shatter on the pavement. Let this cup pass from me. Take it. Take it, please. I’m not ready to go.

 

When my phone rang on Thursday the centers of my palms began to itch.

Comments are automatically closed two weeks after an article's initial publication. See our comments policy for more.

Advertisement

Don't miss the best from America

Sign up for our Newsletter to get the Jesuit perspective on news, faith and culture.

The latest from america

Pope Francis has appointed 16 members (eight men and eight women) to the Pontifical Commission for the Protection of Minors.
Gerard O’ConnellFebruary 17, 2018
This time the victims themselves are not having it. From the moment the first shots rang out, they captured the horror and broadcast it, forced the nation to confront it and talk about it.
Kevin ClarkeFebruary 16, 2018

Given the moment we are in, you might think a lot of shows on television would be trying to talk about current events or “America” in some way. But in point of fact, there aren’t that many. And even fewer are doing it well.

Jim McDermottFebruary 16, 2018
A conversation with Liel Leibovitz and Stephanie Butnick on faith, fasting and podcasting
Olga SeguraFebruary 16, 2018