An online publication called Faith & Leadership, published by Duke Divinity School, recently approached me and asked me to consider a recent Pew study that found young Catholics to be leaving the church in large numbers and then reflect on why I remain. I gave it some thought, and I kept coming back to what happens each week at Mass. From the post:

During the eucharistic prayer, as the priest consecrated the bread and wine that becomes for Catholics the actual body and blood of Christ, I closed my eyes. I pictured Jesus hiding with his disciples in a dark room, offering his peace to his unsettled followers on the eve of his death. For those few moments, the concerns and disappointments I have with the church vanished. I was with God and my neighbor. I was living out who I am called to be.

I once thought that my peers who left the church were intellectually or spiritually lazy, but I’ve since come to understand their decision. In fact, sometimes I am jealous that they were able to walk away.

But I can’t. A life of faith is difficult, but it is the life I want. It is who I am, and it is why I remain.

Sure, my faith will ebb and flow over the years. But for now I focus on living out the gospel quietly, trying to navigate a life of faith amidst doubt and uncertainty, hurt and anger, grateful for the moments of joy that sustain me.

Read the full reflection here.

Michael J. O’Loughlin is national correspondent at America and author of Hidden Mercy: AIDS, Catholics, and the Untold Stories of Compassion in the Face of Fear.